by AmoLaZucca on YouTube
The title of this post might have been
"What A Drag Clean Up Is After Christmas",
until I fell upon the first photo in this post.
It had a link to the song which I have put right under her picture.
The music is beautiful....
and the message slapped me in the face.
I needed it.
I can get to feeling sorry for myself.
I can bitch and moan.
And then something or someone reminds me....
how fortunate some of us are to have a turkey to cook for our families.
I have had some pretty crummy Holiday Seasons....
but it is my nature to.
The holidays get me to feeling 'raw'.
Yesterday I was driving with my top down,
it was a gorgeous day in sunny Boca Raton
and I just started crying.
I am no Hallmark Card kid from a Hallmark Card family.
(Who is?)
It was something
related to my expectations.
It was a little thing that always happens
between my daughter and myself.
It is always the same old thing....
So why do I continually
expect a different outcome
the next time the same issue comes up?
There is a saying;
The definition of insanity is
"Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results"
But I do.
I think I keep hoping things will be different.
I need to keep the focus on myself.
On my issues, on who I am, and what my actions are.
I need to lower my expectations.
And just love her....and let her go.
I don't mean let her go like
I don't care what she does or who she is,
but accept her for who she is.
(And lower my expectations)
Usually when I am having any kind of problem
it stems from how, and from where I am viewing the issue.
There are more people in this country
that are homeless and losing their homes than will be 'made public.'
They are not dealing with cleaning up after xmas.
They are not putting away all the precious xmas ornaments.
They are not dealing with all the garbage
from the xmas packages being gleefully torn open
last night or this morning.
They had no xmas dinner to clean up,
no xmas morning breakfast dishes to load in the dishwasher.
They gave their children nothing.
Maybe they found something in the garbage
that they cleaned up and wrapped in a shopping bag for their child.
Or if they were lucky....
they got something from " Toys For Tots'.
Think about that.
I need to.
I was able to do what I needed to this year.
I need to have gratitude.
It is so easy to forget what we do have in our lives.
Even if we do have
THE LUXURY of cleaning up after xmas.
Bye Bye Christmas.
Until Next Year.....
Love you guys....and you know who you are XXX's
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Renee, the best is just being with my family! All the best to you in the New Year 2010!
ReplyDeleteYou are SO right...what a great thought you so eloquently brought home!
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas....enjoy each second of it!
Merry Christmas Renee! I'm looking forward to the new year ahead! It's going to be a great one!
ReplyDeleteLuanne
You are brave!
ReplyDeleteThanks, I love it.
Have the most wonderful New Year!
hugs H
When it gets down to it, we all have much to be grateful for. There are times (because we are human) that "life" just gets us down. Take a deep breath and concentrate on all you DO have.
ReplyDeleteI understand fully the "adult child" expectations. It's hard and mama's get hurt.
love and hugs...
xoxo
After life blew-up, and the pity party, no option of 'lowering' expectations only letting go.
ReplyDeleteLetting go with love. Easy? No. Worth it? YES!!! The hardest part? Being who I am. From inner core to outward actions.
You are fabulous to write about this stuff. Thank you.
Garden & Be Well, XO Tara
Happy Christmas Renee;
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to a joyous New Year!
Leslie
I am thankful that you are brave enough to truely express yourself on your blog. It has been the slap in the face I have needed several times. This last year has been a rough one. My husband was laid off from a job that he had for 15 years that provided a very nice life for us. We have had to adjust and go without A LOT! We came very close to losing our home. It wasn't easy and I have those moments when I start to dwell on how much things have changed for us. Then just when I need to see it most- someone thankfully shows how bad it really could be and that I am still one of the lucky ones.
ReplyDeletetara
ReplyDeleteit sounds as though we might just be on the same journey.
xxx
angie
ReplyDeletei have been through the mill too.
i don't know if things will ever be like they were.
hopefully this new year will bring good news to us all.
xx
Christmas is always so bittersweet...I think we all taste the good and the bad over the holidays. I think you are very wise to let your daughter 'go' - we have to let them go sometimes to get them back. Love and thoughts to you, xv.
ReplyDeletewish i had read this yesterday! was having a hard time feeling grateful, i was too tired and too hungry and occasionally too angry to be right with myself. but today is another day,and my house is clean, leftovers will be delicious and i have no problems. thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteRenee, sometimes its not fun being an adult woman. Losing some things and people that were/are precious to us. Will we ever get them back? Probably not, but maybe, just maybe what we will get is something better. I too, have lost a lot, however being the eternal optimist, I am sure when waking up the next morning I have a chance to regain or find new, new whatever it is I want. I suppose that is why I always love the new year, a new beginning. Hang in there girl, you can do it, and you will do it. If your daughter comes back in the way she wants it might just be a more honest relationship. I hope so.
ReplyDeleteCarol
http://wwwbeenblogged.blogspot.com/
Another perfecto post Renee. We've had some interesting moments the past couple of days with the new partner of one of our boys who's home for the holidays from interstate. Hard to let go of his long-term previous who was loved by us all. This new one is verrrry different. So I had to retreat to the bathroom a few times, take some deep breaths & give myself some strong self-talk. After all, my love for him hasn't changed, so I just need to work through all this other stuff. May 2010 be your best yet oh gorgeous one & don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
ReplyDeleteMillie ^_^
oh millie,
ReplyDeletei can only imagine.
i still am weirded out by my brothers wife sometimes.
and it is sad when we get attached...and we do.
i hope you have a super duper vacation.
you will be missed by me xxx
happy new year
Rene,
ReplyDeleteBlogging is good for you. It's the ears that listen without judgement. It's eyes that read your pain and know you are
authentic. It's our hearts that go out to you when you feel alone and displaced.
Thank you for sharing with us we are here for you because this is life, so different from anything before us. People are the greatest assets in life because we have the capacity to Love another, over, and over, and over again.
We don't know what 2010 holds and who cares! All we need to focus on is today...right here...right now the rest will come whether we are hopeful or not. Release yourself and be who you are. Unique, creative, talented, and a brave heart. Bravo for YOU...now that's worth blogging about.
Cheers!
Bette
Dear Renee
ReplyDeleteI wish I were as brave as you..
I just spent yet another Christmas with the TV and frozen dinner for company. Then the microwave broke!! ha ha.. But the reality is I 'can' buy myself a new microwave and I 'can' buy those frozen dinners so I should snap out of the funk I'm in.
Good for you being so brave... Have a GREAT New Year!!! xx Julie
julie,
ReplyDeletei am beginning to think my funk is BEYOND the holidays.
...if you follow me.
i am just having a difficult time of ' me.'
but i do need to be grateful for my miserable life.
ha ha
i am not on the street etc.
things can always get worse.
i need to work on my attitude.
xxx happy new year.
right?
bette,
ReplyDeletethank you.
what you said brought tears to my eyes....
and made me feel good about exposing myself.
a very wise person once said to me, and i believed them,
" Those Who Judge Don't Matter, and Those Who Matter Don't Judge."
xxxx's big hugs!
and i hope we all have a great new year.
....or at the very least '.un-eventful.'
hello Renee, i'm here in Fla enjoying your beautiful weather.
ReplyDeletehappy new year dear friend and i wish you the best, hopefully 2010 will bring you all that you deserve and more..
be back to Canada by next week.ttys .xxxx
renee;
ReplyDeletei am new to your blog. was drawn to your words, creativity and incredible sense of design. immediately added you to my blog favorites.
my thoughts about you have changed, deeply. i saw the "pretty" of your world and now i see the "lovely" of your soul. sharing your humanity and raw emotions is very brave, very touching and very familiar. sending you hugs.....
debra
Thank you so much for making me think about such things. I am very guilty of the bitching about the mess , when I should be thankful I have a mess to clean. Merry Christmas, MB
ReplyDelete