This is what I hear most days from the woman that is my EX mother in-law.....
she is 95 years old.
and is getting senile.
"Who's that lady?"
"Who's that lady?''
"Who's that lady?"
"It's me ....Renee"
I take care of her with my ex-husband.
I do MOST the care-taking.
I am not supposed to,
but it has turned out that way lately.
It is not working out for me at all!
Weird I know,
but I have known both my ex-husband, and his mother since I was around 12 years old.
But this morning was MY mother's day too,
and as usual I woke up the same old, same old.....
* I was a candy-striper, but I don't remember it smelling so badly.
And remember...
I still have to show up for work today.
(looking great and smiling.... I am not supposed to have a care in the world when I get there either)
....and my ex is conveniently no-where to be found.
Don't worry girlfriends, there is no romance between us at all..........he has is own private life.
* see below
I just had a complete melt down...complete.
This is tough stuff.
I went outside and started screaming and cursing him.
I called him on his cell ...and of course he NEVER answers.
I left messages running the full spectrum.....
From outrage
to telling him how hurt I was that he would continue
to do this to me without any concern for my mental well being..
(there is a reason we are divorced)
I was crying hard out of pure frustration
Needless to say....getting gorgeous for work was more than a challenge.
I have been edgy lately. And I think it is to be expected.
Ya' think I would be???
Believe me, you can't fix this for me.
I know some of you may want to but you can't.
I can't even fix it right now.
It is what it is. I am venting to my Bloggieville friends.
And thank g-d I have you!
She is an old Italian woman who raised 2 boys all by herself.
She worked two jobs to support them. And to my knowledge has never said a cross word to anyone.
I don't think she has even had a mean thought.
The alternative to me caring for her is
THIS!Right now...I just don't have the heart.
But I may be singing a different tune in 6 months if things don't change.
I am just trying to do the right thing.
I know I sound 'wacked'...I am not.
I swear.
and..Excuse me for being M.I.A. lately XXX's
sources:
http://crankymommyent.files.wordpress.com
Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her BLOG..... Interior Design, Palm Beach, Boca Raton,Ft.Lauderdale,Design Service, Window Treatments, TurnKey Interior Design Service,Paint selection, Floor-Plans,Online Interior Design, Design Center of The Americas, D.C.O.T.A. Care taking, Frustration, anger,
Whoa...and I thought staying friends with my ex was a major achievement! This is when you hope karma is more than a word! Take care....breathe...drink??
ReplyDeletekerry
ReplyDeletethanks ...
i am coming over to
the tranquil townhouse.
it sounds like i need to!
x
I am so sorry. I completely understand your insanity. The only thing that has helped me in the last couple years has been Esther Hicks Book, "Ask & it is Given". She given 22 techniques to help. You can pick & choose which ones resonate with you and try those.
ReplyDeleteI take comfort in my belief that I would not have chosen to incarnate into a life that is insane (so it must be manageable), that and the thought that I won't have to do this in the next life.
Sending Love & Light,
jane
blog authors
ReplyDeletewow
i love this.
i will check this book out.
it sound good to me.
it sure felt like insanity this morning!!
thanks
x
Caring for someone with dementia is such an incredibly hard burden! I hesitate to mention it, since you've probably looked into it already, but there are a lot of communities that provide free or inexpensive elder care during daytime or working hours so that caregivers can have a break and stay healthy. Take care of yourself! Your health and sanity is the lynchpin for everyone else and their needs - whether they recognize it or not.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.alz.org/carefinder/support/support2.asp
-SF
You...My dear are a good soul.....and sometimes, good souls go through hellish times.
ReplyDeleteYou are strong, smart...and a hell of a care-giver. Pat yourself on the back!
I know the insanity, I do, I do, I do. I know the graphics you posted too well.
ReplyDeleteWhat I did not type earlier is that it is okay to know when something is killing you & say "when".
What's that old story about the dying person who has this saint of a caregiver (the family doesn't know what it would do without her) & the caregiver up and drops dead one day. The family has a replacement caregiver so fast your head spins.
I too have struggled with knowing I may have to place the Senior in a facility to provide more care than I am able to give.
Still sending Love & Light.
jane
cut it loose. it does not go care for her because he know you still will. let it go. it is not your order of business. that man is still manipulating you. no no no. the woman is a sad affair but she does not know who you are nor is she your mother. you are stressed enough with work, let it go. be good to you. do not let this man make you crazy, nope don't do it. go one more time to see her, tel her you are not coming back, and walk away. bless you for what you have done, now stop.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing woman. God will have a special place for you.
ReplyDeleteRenee, my precious friend, I'm going to email you about this on Monday. The tragedy of Alzheimer's or senility is to the caregivers, not the patient. You have a lot of life left, she has none. Her children must step up so you can step out. And, the way you speak of her makes me think she wouldn't want to be such a burden to anyone.
ReplyDeletesanity,
ReplyDeleteyes. this is really difficult.
and it is not easy taking care of myself as well.
my biggest fear is holding in these 'resentments' towards my EX and then' blowing up!!'
xx
Hmmm. Having seen you in action with your ex-MIL, I really really commend you that in addition to everything else, you have this added on.
ReplyDeleteI dont know that I would do anything different though as you are compassionate and caring to everyone around you and only deserve the best.
I hope today is a better day. You are one amazing woman, wish I lived closer so I could know you better.
ReplyDeleteHappy Mothers Day. Now don't forget to breathe.
As Always your pictures are spot on!
I'm all for reloading together!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThere is a book called 'Full Catastrophe Living' by Jon Kabat-Zinn. I am doing his course at present and thankfully it is starting to work a little. It is all about living in the now and enjoying (or hating) that moment and knowing that the next moment will be different.
Lots of wonderful meditation.
I don't know if it will help but Renee I have been there so many times and something has to give please don't let it be you!
Renee, you don't indicate whether or not your mother in law is in a long term care facility. For the sake of my post, I will assume that she is. Your ex-husband and his siblings are the responsible parties to provide care for their mother - not you. If you want to offer your time occasionally, you should do so, but it should be your choice - not your ex-husband's. He can hire caregivers or a conservator for his mother if he is so inclined. If she is not in a long term care facility, she needs to be for her safety. No one can take this burden from you except you. Don't let guilt keep you from standing your ground with your ex-husband. You have shown what you're made of. You don't have to prove anything. He does, however! Best of luck to you.
ReplyDeleteRenee, my heart is with you, it is so tough. There are so many places to go for some elder care help....just to give you a break!
ReplyDeleteKarena
Art by Karena
Hang in there sista!
ReplyDeleteSome days are harder than others. Remember, " That that does not kill us, only makes us stronger"!
Have a great day!
L.
Your a much better person than I.
ReplyDeleteI don't have anything else I can say except,
Remember I know people!! When you find him- drop me a line! ;)
Wow, Renee. I'd probably flee the country, freeing myself of everything and everyone! You might be enabling your ex (not having to take responsibility) by stepping in.
ReplyDeleteYour ex needs to finally grow up and you need to help him by removing yourself from this situation. This comes from someone naturally inclined to be an enabler. Tough love, girlfriend.
ReplyDeletep.s. my word verification was sitshous. Not much rearranging of letters to get to the pile of things. Hugs your way.
i love angie's comment "she knows people"....hmmmm.....could come in handy
ReplyDeleteyou are a saint, too good, a great example to your daughter but we cannot lose YOU! think of yourself too renee. i also wished we lived nearby, would grab you, a cocktail, a cigie, a ridiculous getup and we could be the ones in the 2nd photo; feet up, cocktail in brown paper bag, smoke in hand all while bitching and roaring with laughter
xo
debra
Renee,
ReplyDeleteYou are blessing that woman in ways you are not aware of. Remember it's the disease not the woman. It's hard, it's tough, it's not pretty, but your heart is huge.
Hang in there....love ya Girl.
xo
debra
ReplyDeleteand THAT IS JUST WHAT I NEED.
xx love ya girl
You are doing a GREAT job! Sometimes life just gets a little hairy! I remember my Mom taking care of my grandmother who was truly a goddess to all of us. But, even then, there were times she wanted to scream and run away. It's a really hard part of life and I just hope someone will love and take care of me when I get old. Get some rest my friend!
ReplyDeleteLove to you.
G
I do hope things are calmer by now Renee.....take care and think of you, xxv
ReplyDelete