The Layers Of This Onion or What Really Happened

I see a lot of this............

long roads in a rural setting.

*I am really putting myself out there for you

About

  The Layers Of  This Onion or What Really Happened

   

How do I put all that I want to communicate to you into words?
The last months have taken most of the layers off on this onion,
I am finding my 'CORE.'
                       
                                                                        ~~~~~~~~
           

I arrived in Maine on October 20 - 2012

I moved to my mothers home because

we needed each other. 

1st to go

Starting with my cabana at the beach in Delray, 

~~~~~

My beloved horse 

2nd to go

Georgian Gentleman

(barn name ; Hershey)

Then my showroom in Boca Raton

3rd to go

Which had meant so much to me.

The timing could not have been worse!!!

Just when I finally pulled everything together, 

after a life time of working in the field of interior design....

My career dream had been realized 

only to fail due to a dying economy in Boca Raton

(and everywhere else on the planet)

*

*

OOPS....

On the subject of the house sale ,

while I was selling the contents of my home...

I was robbed of all my jewelry.

I am telling you , this one about did me in.

I still try hard not to get upset when I think of it.

It was my nest egg.

Not anymore!

And then there is the new distance between 

me & my one and only child.

Andi.

Andi's Pinterest page 

http://pinterest.com/andilane/

This one is the real killer.

I have never been separated from her before.

Not even college, because she attended Univ. of Miami.

Virtually down the road.

Just a one hour drive if I needed my 'Andi' fix.

Now it is much different.

Much.

And it is painful. 

So, here I am in Maine -

with 2 nickels to rub together 

and what is left of my old life in boxes.

Maine is

PARADISE

if you do not need to make a living.

When I first arrived, I woke up everyday thinking;

Who the hell am I?

and 

Where am I again??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have wanted to live in Maine for 20 years...

...watch out what you pray for...

you just might get it.

~~~~~~~

I have been doing much searching of my soul,

under my soul, through my soul, and around my soul.

What does this all mean.

It had to be my fault.

Am I a failure?

Do I have worth?

I haven't posted because 

I wasn't emotionally capable.

The (material & emotional) loss,

there's still more feelings that I still can not express.

That is why I 'see someone' 

to sort all this out in my head.

It's helping.

I have literally been brought to my knees...

which as it happens ,

can be a very good thing.

I have become quite active in my community...

and have met some truly authentic individuals 

who have enriched my life in more ways than I can express.

(and I try and tell them as often as they will listen)

I can hardly get into the difficult job market conversation

which is virtually none-existent for someone with my design skills.

I do love 

what I used to do....

I need to start up my own thing,

maybe a fabric/wallpaper design shop.

*

Anyhow,

about my 'journey' ...

Recently 

I had ordered a book that was suggested by a very close friend of mine

who is aware of the depth of this 'journey' I'm on.

What does all that has happened mean?

What do I do now?

~~~~~~~~

Below is an excerpt from this book

which is mainly about the human condition of 'EGO'

In regards to EGO....

if  the universe wanted to knock me down a few pegs....

BRAVO!

Well done!

"Presto Chango"

Renee sans ego.

Yet there is still the very middle of me left.

The stuff in the center that no one can ever take away

from any of us

'The Core' that is deep down inside us all.

Now I guess it's time to get down to some emotional work.

My values.

My faults and my goodness.

~~~~~

All that was familiar for so long is gone.

My existence is completely different than what I have been used to.   

My comfortable home with everything just the way I liked it....gone.

The bits & pieces I do still have are boxed up in my mothers art house.

* a free standing building that houses my mom's artwork

'The  stuff ' for the most part

is gone.

 I am dealing with it today,

and I will do the same tomorrow and the day after...

....back in February I couldn't see the tomorrows.

Perhaps today I'm a better me ....

without 'the stuff'.

I am here 

&

It's beginning to be 'alright' you know.

Really, it is.

I am settling in here and can envision my life here as well.

Finding my niche is what has me frightened.

But the locals are very encouraging.

*

Everything is different.

Design...different.

People....different. (thank g-d)

Dress....different.

The seasons ...different.

I am just trying to find my way as graciously as I can.

Yet I feel sometimes ...like 'I AM' 2 left feet.

~~~~~

**Please do not feel badly for me...

(I no longer feel badly for me)

there must be a reason for all that has happened.

I just know there is reason.

&

 I know more will be revealed to me.....in time.

Maybe not in 'my time'...

but sometime...

hopefully sooner than later.

****

I know I have faults,

but I am 'good'.

I am trying to evaluate my core belief system.

Get rid of what I do not need 

and focus on what is real , 

true, and good in me.

* and in everyone else

After all....isn't that 'the stuff' that really counts ?

That's all for now.....

I hope this post has made some sense.

I'm off to polish up my core and

make a gratitude list.

Can you relate in some small way ?

p.s.

I am sorry for not commenting lately, 

or visiting, and mainly just being M.I.A. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank You Mom

*Can you imagine my situation without her ???? 

But Mom,

stop all that baking!!!

Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her Blog of her Adventures in Design,Boca Raton and Camden Maine, All Interior Design Services, Loss, Maine, ego , relocation, finding yourself, Loss, Maine, ego , relocation, finding yourself, layers of the onion, core values, What Really Happened

Temporary Masqerade

I have really been through it.

This has been a living breathing Masquerade.

Masqerade;

 to disguise oneself; also : to go about disguised

I am a bit afraid to be me.

This is MAINE.

REAL MAINE.

I love my new town but this business of finding my fit.

Just the right fit for myself has been daunting.

It was just last week that I finally found 

'it' in me to start to print up new biz cards,

design some ads, get my tax #,

and finally look forward to what ever this new 

phase of my life will be.

I know that whatever will be

will not look or feel the same.

That's what I wanted....

but doing this great big 'THING' is scary.

It is certain that I have a great foundation of 

friends and family.

It is different for sure,

but 

and I hated where I was.

Right?

xx,s

....sorry that I have been M.I.A.

-this has proved to be hard stuff-

I have barely been present for myself.

Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her Blog of her Adventures in Design,Boca Raton and Camden Maine, All Interior Design Services,masquerade, relocating, maine,masquerade, relocating, maine

..Gone So Long

... I've been gone so long it seems...

I really have been gone so long it seems to me.

I have been getting settled in mind and body…

Not to mention putting all my favorite things

{the only things I took with me}

in the right places.

I am happy with how my room came out.

If my camera didn't just stop working ….

I would be posting pictures.

And my little girl {Shih Tzu} Josephine

is now settled in as well. The cold weather is definitely a shock for her.

We were both a bit shaky when we got here….

…but all is getting better.

This is my 1^st Thanksgiving and Christmas without my daughter {24 yrs old}

and I know now it won’t be my last.

So I 

‘I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.’

with all of you.

There is just so much to do here around the house with my Mom.

I could do a whole post on just ‘THE HUNTING’ for the perfect wreathes.

…and of course…she has to have them on everything!

Mom is a Christmas maniac, perhaps when the holidays are over and

we all get even more settled I will feel normal.

But then, normal is highly over rated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ !!!!!!

I need to get back to posting, and I will.

I can say I am sort of lost without it.

Blogging for me is like taking my temperature 

....and taking yours.

You are my friends and I am feeling like an awful friend 

not being there for you and your blogs.

Please forgive me. XXXX's 

Merry Christmas & Happy Hanukkah 2012

Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her Blog of her Adventures in Design,Boca Raton and Camden Maine, All Interior Design Services, moving , adjusting, Christmas, thanksgiving, getting settled,
maine

TOO MUCH ON MY PLATE

It seems there are just too many complications ;

THE BANK selling my property in Boca Raton - Bad Bad Bad People

THE MOVERS- my things are still not here, and it will cost more than estimated

and A JOB search in a town of 7000 population off season......

....just getting settled in general is exciting - YES -

but overwhelming.

Everyday there is another fire to put out with the lawyers & the bank over the closing.

I am not a happy camper right now.

But

Tomorrow, Tomorrow will bring a better day.

It is so beautiful here, and cold, 

but I love the cold don't I ???????

Once my things come I will be able to post pictures from my camera.

I hope this post finds all my friends well and happy.

hugs xoxo

Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her Blog of her Adventures in Design,Boca Raton and Camden Maine, All Interior Design Services, spruce head maine, maine, the move to maine

The Shitty Committee Meeting

The first thing I did when I got home was to call

a BIG MEETING with the SHITTY COMMITTEE that lives in my head

We talked everything over....

I am moving to Maine.

This is a new beginning in a new environment...

to say the least.

I have always wanted to live there and so I will.

AND....I will get to be with my Mom.

A Gift!!

Now I have to figure how to get the few things that I will keep up there.

I am terrified to drive a UHAUL truck to Maine,

but it is my only option at this point.

Any ideas for moving or raising money?

Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her Blog of her Adventures in Design,Owner of 'The Trade' Interiors, ,Boca Raton,Palm Beach,Boca Raton Florida,All custom upholstery,case-goods,window treatments,Antiques, Accessories and Antique accessories, built-ins, and all built in seating,custom pillows,20% above cost plus shipping & handling on all 'To The Trade' Furniture Lines, meetings, decisions, maine, the big shitty committee, meetings, decisions, maine, the big shitty committee, meetings, decisions, maine, the big shitty committee

The Road To Maine & Mom

I am heading to Maine on Wednesday - June 6th 2012.

My mom has had hip surgery,

 and for those of you who know her....

{http://lapetitegallery.blogspot.com/}

she is doing great.

Her spirits are up for the first time in a long time.

And I really need to be with her now.

Too many people that I know have lost their mothers 

and do not have the gifted opportunity that I have today.

There will be gratitude in every day that I spend with her.

My heart belongs to Maine in more than just one way.

I love Maine as much as Paris, and as much as NYC.

There is something incredibly mystical about it.

I have tried to put a few images in this post to explain my 

reasons for being 'A MAINIAC.'

The red dot is where I will be.

Mom's place is right on the water.

Camden Maine's harbor and shops.

THE BEST!!!

My favorite fruit.

Blueberry anything....is my favorite.

They grow wild all over mom's property.

Lobster!!!

The first sandwich I will devour!!

I have sailed since I was small 

and have always thought that horses and sailboats were incredibly majestic.

In Maine....

they have 'THE SEA' and it's dramatic,

and takes me to another world.

A Better World.

Maine is 'MOODY'.....

and melancholy.

I fit in perfectly.

While canoeing in back of my mom's house....

I met this guy!

The beauty ranges from this to.....

this.

..and this.

When I am in Maine I am going to decide on whether to move there.

I have always wanted to but was tied to my house and this town.

Now my daughter is all grown.

She is 24.....and on her own journey.

This will begin a new chapter in my life.

Wish me luck!!

Have you been to Maine?

What did you think?

love and kisses - moi

• The Long & Winding Road

Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her Blog of her Adventures in Design,Owner of 'The Trade' Interiors, ,Boca Raton,Palm Beach,Boca Raton Florida,All custom upholstery,case-goods,window treatments,Antiques, Accessories and Antique accessories, built-ins, and all built in seating,custom pillows,20% above cost plus shipping & handling on all 'To The Trade' Furniture Lines, maine, sarasota fl., summer, moms,flowers, wilderness, maine, sarasota fl., summer, moms,flowers, wilderness,
 maine, sarasota fl., summer, moms,flowers, wilderness

If it is summer, and it is Sunday....

LET'S HAVE A CLAM BAKE!!!

This makes me miss my mom

Wish I were up there.

We could do THIS together.XX

Renée Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her BLOG..... To 'The Trade' Interiors,To The Trade inc. ,Boca Raton,Palm Beach,Boca Raton Florida,Interior Design Resources,All custom upholstery, wood furniture, stainless steel,window treatments,and re-upholstery. Including built-in, wall units, and built in banquette sofa seating. All Hospitality custom interior work, upholstered walls and niche doors,clambake,maine,clambake,maine
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Peak Season In Maine

You might wonder why one would choose to live here all year long, when the winters are so cold and long. The reason might be that in every season, that waterfall is beautiful along,and every other little 'wonder' here is beautiful just painted in a different palette.

Lobster is so much more delicious when it is steamed at home by your

mother. And what could be more fun than driving down the road to a magnificent home on the ocean that just happens to belong to a local 'Lobster' fisherman.

It is little wonder that there are so many artist living in and around Tenants Harbor & Spruce Head Maine.

As a matter of fact , if you like art.....there are Galleries

all over mid-coast Maine.

I am away from home and am visiting my mother, who is an artist living in Spruce Head Maine.

And I would move up to the mid-coast Maine area myself and just paint if I could. There is such a sense of community. And the natural beauty is endless.

I will get back to my design related post when I get home.

Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her blog of her Adventures in Design