‘About The Business Of Remaining Alone’

‘About the business of remaining alone’

It is a constant battle.

Well, not so constant….there isn’t always interest…

From my side or theirs.

‘This Business’  

The Battle I wage on myself-

To protect myself

It is so strong and loud inside me.

Most of my life I could just wash ‘THAT MAN OUT OF MY HAIR’

-then the break up came along.

It was 12 years ago that I was suckered into a relationship with the nicest NARCISSIST 

You would ever want to meet.

No.

REALLY.

The perfect’ Doctor Man’ for me.

The man I thought I was supposed to marry.

{but it was also his idea}

I finally let those tall stone walls down around me

and let the man in.  OOOOPS

I loved him completely. I never thought I would do that.

Or frankly….that I could do that.

After a year or so… things got strange.

That’s when the lying started.

And the crazy making began

– people lying to you….will make you crazy.

But to make a hideously long story shorter.

This man BROKE ME.

I will never be the same.

In the past 3 weeks

{Because I am networking -and networking is not my cup of tea}

I have met two men.

One was okay ,

But I had to get rid of him 

for reasons that would make a decent TV movie of the week

-that I don't want to star in.

there are no ridges left in my CD of this song
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And then comes along # 2

I could tell you all the details but the facts of the matter are……

He also is a narcissist …. Insanely charming, charismatic,

Sometimes handsome {this one was}

sexy, and made you feel like you were the only one in the room

By date two

I was beginning to be BUMMED OUT because I knew in my heart…..

This was the danger zone I was entering.

The perfect doctor that I described earlier

Made me doubt any and everything I said and did.

CRAZY MAKING

My self-esteem was flushed down the toilet on a daily basis.

Not to mention….I did not want to wake up.

Not Ever!!!

So, when I saw this image 

it brought back the whole ugly place I was living in!!

And yet it reminded me

….the only way I am safe…..is alone.

PS I do take responsibility for my own short comings, In these failed relationships.

I am better off alone. Mainly because I never get lonely.

What is this girl to do.?

Accept the way I am?

or

Take RISKS.

{i am too fragile emotionally}

I just don’t have what it takes for a relationship.

It is just too compromising.

Yea, that’s it.

Maybe I just don’t want to play by other peoples rules.

Translation: she doesn’t play well with others – IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

So......What do you have to say to this post????
i am quite exposed.


xx Hugss and lots of them

Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her Blog of her Adventures in Design,Owner of 'The Trade' Interiors, ,Boca Raton,Palm Beach,Boca Raton Florida,All custom upholstery,case-goods,window treatments,Antiques, Accessories and Antique accessories, built-ins, and all built in seating, bedding and pillows,Roseta Santiago Works Of Art, ‘About The Business Of Remaining Alone’, ‘About The Business Of Remaining Alone’, relationships, narcissists, narcissists,